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Tf2 Sniper You Wanna Hear Something Funny

Written By sábado, 25 de junho de 2022 Add Comment Edit

Moments pages are Spoilers Off. You Have Been Warned.

  • Saxton's form letter to an inventor, which can also be applied to business rivals who have committed Grand Theft Prototype:
    • "[X]YOUR APPLICATION IS PENDING. [ ]I'M COMING FOR YOU, YOU SON OF A BITCH."
    • "I look forward to [X]WORKING WITH YOU IN THE FUTURE [ ]PUMMELING YOU TO DEATH WITH MY BARE DAMN HANDS. [X]SINCERELY [ ]UP YOURS, Saxton Hale (Australian, President of Mann Co.)
  • UNDERWATER HYPNOPEN Hypnotize sharks. Write on them. It works!
  • The iBlewUpTheMoon.
    • Heck, the entirety of that comic. There's far too many great lines in it to count. A sampling:

      Scout: "It looks like some kinda hospital for fruit!"
      Soldier: "Judases! I have used this Mann Co. shovel for twelve years! It does not blog! It does not biodegrade! It barely digs holes! But it is mine and AGGGGGH IT IS ON FIRE!"
      Saxton Hale: "I make square, unsafe products for men! Not white little egg things with no sharp edges and only one button! Look at this tiny thing! It's not on fire! How do you know it's even on?
      Soldier: "I will not! Keep pushing me, sister, and I will shove my carbon footprint so far up your IS THAT A PIG?"

  • All ◊ five ◊ of ◊ the postcards starring the awesomeness that is SAXTON ◊ HALE ◊.
  • The Heavy writes on the TF2 Blog: "Usually Soldier has baby job of talking to you through button board. He cannot come to blog today because he tells me he must accept highest honor US government can give: Jury Duty."
  • Meet the Director.
    • In short, pretty much anything to do with the Soldier and his collection of heads. His Big "NO!" upon thinking that they've been destroyed is hilarious.
    • The Director's reaction to the Scout: "We ran out of film five hours ago. [...] We ran out of film five hours ago."
    • The Scout trying to hit on Miss Pauling.
    • Also, the Scout and Heavy talking about how Sasha has a bed right next to the Heavy.

      Scout: That's your gun right there?
      Heavy: Yes.
      Scout: In a tiny bed. Beside YOUR bed.
      Heavy: Yes.
      Scout: That's pretty embarrassin'.
      Heavy: I know. I must buy Sasha bigger bed.

    • Also from that scene: Heavy's skull-and-crossbone pattern pajamas.
    • When the Director is interviewing Heavy, he talks about his tragic back story about how he escaped from a gulag, but Heavy insists on keeping it job-related in the most blunt, this-is-my-second-language way possible.
      • Bonus points for him complementing his words with gestures. He thinks he's talking with an idiot after the Director missed his first clue that his past was off-limits.
    • When the RED team talk about how they've been mailed different things, Soldier holds up a package and yells "This is nothing! Look what I got in the mail! I am also going to drop it on the floor like all of you did!" He drops the package, and we see that it's got a human head in it. Bonus points for the Spy and the Scout looking absolutely disgusted/horrified:

      Spy: Whose...head is that?
      Soldier: MINE! The question is, where are the other seven?

  • PACK UP THE TEA, BOYS! WE'RE JOINING THE SPACE MARINES!
  • The entirety of the Manniversary update ◊. Special mention goes to Spy's response to being Jarate'd for the third time:

    "WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING THIS"

  • Gabe Newell himself gets one when answering a fan's suggestion of not letting Robin Walker into the development team of Counter-Strike: Global Offensive:
  • The Monoculus comic.
    • The Soldier comes by with trick-or-treaters (that have apparently been on the lam with him for four days)

      "I have children! Give us candy! It is the law!"

    • The Spy doesn't have any candy, so he hands one of the kids a pack of cigarettes and a butterfly knife.

      "There. Merry Christmas."

    • The Heavy calls the kid presumptuous, lazy, and fat for expecting him to spend his hard-fought money on candy. When the kid cries, he takes back the fat comment, and quiets the kid by cutting out the middleman.

      "Here. Here is seven thousand dollars."

    • After being warned to "GAZE NOT UPON UPON [the] EVIL TOME" in the library while dusting, a young Demoman asks the wizard Merasmus which broom he's supposed to use to sweep.

      "GAZE NOT UPON THE BROOM! And yes. That broom."

    • When the young Demoman reads the book, it possesses his eye, and then starts gloating. Merasmus is mad not because it's going to cause horrible evil, but because it's going to keep gloating.

      "Now he'll never shut up about it! I have to live with this book, you know!"

      • Even funnier is the fact if you look in the background, you'll discover that the book was going to leave the Demoman's eye on its own accord, making the eye removal completely pointless.
    • When the Demoman finishes his story, and talks about where the wizard is rumored to be, the Soldier then pipes up about him. Turns out the wizard is squatting at their Halloween party as they speak, complaining about the hummus they're serving.

      Demoman: Good lord! After all these years, he's here?
      Soldier: He's my roommate.

    • In the final scene, Merasmus and the Soldier ignore the giant eye to attack each other.

      Soldier: [strangling Merasmus] I am going to slap the magic out of your mouth!
      Merasmus: [hitting the Soldier with his broken staff] I'm calling the police!

  • A Smissmas Story
    • For starters, Scout's ridiculous (even by the TF2 Universe's standards) explanation as to why they blew up a Mall Santa Training facility.
    • The Soldier's reaction to the Scout outing him as the mastermind of the event — namely, pushing a Payload Cart into a Mall Santa training facility — with the Spy looking on in utter embarassment.

      Scout: Whoa-ho-ho, nobody told me I could name names! See my court-appointed lawyer over there? He masterminded the whole thing!
      Soldier: JUDAS! (strangling Scout) I AM GOING TO KILL YOU BEFORE THEY GIVE ME THE CHAIR!
      Scout: (strained) You- are- the- worst- lawyer!
      Judge: ENOUGH! NOBODY'S GETTING THE CHAIR!

    • The Spy calls Miss Pauling to bail them out.

      Miss Pauling: First things first. How did Soldier become a public defender?
      Spy: It's a long story, but Chapter One; his roommate is a magician. Should I continue?
      Miss Pauling: You know what? Never mind.

    • Scout dividing the meet Santa line into "Single Moms" and "everybody Else" counts as well.
    • Later on, while Soldier is fighting the kid's dad:

      Miss Pauling: Just don't make it worse.
      Spy: Not a problem.
      Soldier: C'MERE, YOU...
      Spy: Everything seems normal so far.

    • Soldier giving Little Jack what he needs:

      Soldier: One: a sensible haircut. [gives Jack a crew cut] Two: I will give you the gift of manhood. You are going to watch...while Santa beats up your father in front of you.
      Little Jack: Yayyy?

      • To be fair to Soldier here, Little Jack really needed that haircut. Bowl cuts *shudder*
    • Old Nick's arrival is announced with a megaphone and one of his kangaroos/"reindeer" kicking the door.
    • LOCAL HEROES KILL SANTA
    • COMPOUND ELEVATED SKULL FRACTURE! (With a Saxton Hale figurine)

      Soldier: THE POWER OF SMISSMAS COMPELS YOU!

  • True Meaning
    • The Engineer is reading a story about Australian Christmas, and how Old Nick got into a shootout with the Mafia. Who is he reading this to? The Pyro of course!
  • A recurring patchnote when Valve updates is "Updated localization files." Fans tend to poke fun at this when TF2 mysteriously starts updating. Valve gave it a shot as well, submitting "Lokalisierungsdateien aktualisiert." note "Updated localization files" in German
  • Day one of the Pyromania update and their opinion of the name of creators of "The Safety Dance".
    • The TF2 team were actually pretty offended by the name. What was it? Men Without Hats.
  • The Pyroland development post:
  • The "Blood Brothers" comic, for all its seriousness, still has some funny moments. Particularly every time the Manns mention the pregnancy machine and gravel.

    Blutarch: My one concern, brother...is it possible this plan is too perfect?
    Redmond: Difficult to say. Honestly, I can find no flaw.

  • A Fate Worse Than Chess has so many hilarious ones..
    • For example, the intro starts with a rather bland and boring exposition with 2 bland and boring scientists, cue Saxton Hale LITERALLY BARGING THROUGH THE PAGE ITSELF to change it to that of an action movie, complete with a sword fight over a volcano while pterodactyls fly over and around the 2 women fighting.
    • Saxton explains why he doesn't want to abandon the Yeti hunt:
    • For example, Miss Pauling explaining the situation to the mercs has some glorious snarking, whether she's rebuffing the Scout before he can even begin flirting or calmly dealing with Hale's antics. However, the best part it probably when she explains that the robots are basically a Money Spider horde.

      Miss Pauling: For reasons I can neither comprehend nor explain, the robots run on money. Destroy them, and whatever falls out is yours.

    • Some of the mercs' expressions. Stand-outs are a completely disinterested Spy, and the expectant innocence on the Pyro's....er, mask.
    • Later, the Spy looks less stoic when he sees the Soldier picking his nose.
  • Some robotized versions of unused WAR! Update domination lines have been left in the game files. It seems the two have remained friends even though they were hired to kill each other.

    Demoman: DOMINATED! But you're still me best mate. Heh.
    Soldier: DOMINATED! I cherish these moments we spend together.

  • This update hint is basically Rapid-Fire Comedy after the first article. Sections range from the Scout putting out a personal article, to Merasmus selling Soldier as a familiar, to someone directly asking the Soldier to eat weeks-old condiment packets.
    • Later followed by Doom-mates, which brings us such things as Soldier becoming a park ranger and getting Merasmus' castle for himself using the aforementioned condiments, the wizard being a grade A Butt-Monkey, and the Kill Me Come Back Stronger pills.
    • The comic's final panel; Soldier is talking to a stunned Scout and a less-than-amused Spy while all manner of carnage goes on outside.

      Soldier: ...then I told the mighty ghost wizard, "Ha! I'd like to see you try!" And that is why he's killing all of us right now!
      Scout: I gotta admit, that does sort of explain everything.

    • The URL for the update's main page is a strange string of syllables, either to keep with the update's general theme of sorcery, or to keep people from guessing the page name beforehand.
      • Fridge Brilliance when you realize that Soldier features heavily in the Halloween 2012 update, and he's the Malaproper. He's trying and failing to say 'Bombinomicon.'
  • This promo for the Second Annual Saxxy Awards. The Medic, Heavy, and Soldier film the Spy and BLU Scout's mom on a date. The Spy is NOT happy about this.
    • How does he react after getting his Saxxy? By suggesting that they run & cloaking himself, leaving the trophy still visible. The people filming his date freak out & run away, even though they are on his team.
  • From the 2012 Holidays comic, "Shadow Boxers": Soldier apparently believes MVM_Coaltown is located on the moon. He also thinks that his teammates are all American. Heavy and Medic play along:
    • Spy's reaction to the Soldier's claims, including the aforementioned Moon one.

      Spy: Gentlemen, I've lost several liters of blood today. I will likely die defending a hat factory tomorrow. I'm going home.

    • Gray Mann, disappointed about his robots' stupidity.

      Scout Robot: *beepboop* The humans were waiting for us at the last five attack sites, Master. Somehow they <italics on> knew. <italics off> *bopbeepboop* We would advise delaying the secret attack on the Mann Co. headquarters through the abandoned mine shaft.
      Gray Mann: Mm. Would you. And — just so I'm clear — you suspect these security leaks are due to some heretofore unknown "tactical mastermind" in their ranks. ...And not, for instance, because you mention our secret attack plans at every opportunity.
      Scout Robot: *baddaboop* Affirmative. We believe it is the same genius who masterminded the decoy base. *beep boop over here*
      Gray Mann: Ah yes. The genius who built the decoy base. [newspaper shows the Soldier winning a nose-picking contest]

    • The Soldier, Heavy, and Miss Pauling go undercover as robots, wearing the Soldier's terrible Halloween costumes. And Grey Mann has just made a robot smart enough to see through the disguises.

      Soldier: I'd hate to be those humans. (picks nose)

  • This blog post. Apparently Linux (and penicillin) was invented when Linus Torvalds left a ham sandwich in his bathroom for two weeks. He later died of septic necrosis.
  • "Death of a Salesbot", created alongside the Robotic Boogaloo update. It updates us on what's happened a year after the Mann Versus Machine war began, and... The Mercenaries have won so much, and made it so easy, they're downright swimming in cash and barely working at all. Contrast with the dramatic and almost grim beginning, now that a weird case of realistic consequences has taken place and the Player Characters win EVERY SINGLE TIME... It becomes downright hilarious in hindsight.
    • The robots' new plan to try to take down Mann Co.? Robotic knockoffs of the mercenaries' hats and miscellaneous items. Ok, it's a non-canon comic, but still, Hee. Lar. Ri. Oss.
    • It's gotten to the point where the mercenaries are literally using their money as fuel for the fireplace and Soldier is eating it in a sandwich.
      • Although given what Soldier is like normally, he would probably be making money sandwiches anyway.
    • Even the robots think powering robots with money is stupid. Yes, everyone, including the robots themselves, think fueling them with money makes no sense.
      • There are two things that make this better. One: It's the Scout-bots that suggest to Gray Mann to make robots that don't run on money. And two: The look that Gray gives them after they suggest it. It just screams uncomprehension, like a robot that doesn't run on money makes no sense to him. Well he is Redmond and Blutarch's brother after all.
    • This line:

      Soldier: How dare they surrender like this? They think they can just offer themselves up to be slaughtered? I won't stand for this! Let's go slaughter every one of them!

  • Ring of Fired may have been a bit of a Wham Episode but it is also one of the funniest comics.
    • The cover is a homage to the famous "Costume in a Trash Can" of Spider-Man fame, with a nude Saxton Hale.
    • Saxton Hale has been told he can't jump out the plane to enter his office anymore, so he sabotages the plane's engine so he'll have to. All the while carrying a screaming pilot.
    • The text as he jumps out of the plane:
    • When Gray Mann enters the room, Saxton Hale gives a YOU!!! Exclamation... then has to ask Bidwell who the hell it is.
    • Gray puts his hands on Saxton's desk... only to find out too late that it doubles as a grill.
    • The person Gray challenges Hale to fight is... his daughter Olivia. Although Olivia is more than willing to fight Saxton freaking HALE in a Good Old Fisticuffs duel, her hilariously pathetic fighting proves she is the furthest thing from a Little Miss Badass, and she only "wins" because Saxton Hale gives up the fight after a while because he can't bring himself to fight a young girl who can't even make him flinch.
      • Later on (after admitting defeat), he decides to vent his anger by destroying Gray's robots... Unfortunately, Olivia switches them into non-violent mode. Turns out that Hale will only fight something that can retaliate, because he gives that "fight" up in seconds.
    • The blurb promises that someone will die. It's Tom Jones.
      • Soldier's logic for why is also pretty amusing.
    • Before Miss Pauling sets about getting the team back together, Soldier moonlights as a celebrity tour guide for a group of old women...which consists of forcing them to run around various rich neighborhoods as he shares his questionable grasp of pop culture trivia.

      Soldier: TO YOUR LEFT IS WHERE DICK VAN DYKE HELD HIS GUTS IN HIS HANDS AFTER TAKING A MUSKET SHOT FROM AVA AND ZSA ZSA GABOR! SEE THOSE SUBMERGED LOGS OVER THERE?! THAT IS THE BEATLES! DO NOT STOP RUNNING!

    • Later, the Pyro's newspaper headline reads "Beatles still missing. Last seen near pond."
    • Demoman and Miss Pauling do the driving while Soldier and Pyro behave like children...
    • Who is Tom Jones' roommate? Merasmus. Soldier just doesn't know when to quit around him, does he?
    • What Pyro's been doing and how they convince him to come along.
    • Ever since he got fired, the Demoman's been lazing about on his couch binge-watching TV dramas with the Eyelander, which can now say something besides "heads". And probably in the same creepy voice it uses in game.

      Announcer: Stay tuned for more "Ghost D.A!"
      Eyelander: Ugh. 'The Defense Rests?' HE'S THE F***G PROSECUTION! Ghost D.A! 'District Attorney!' It's in the title of the f***g show!
      Demoman: *Slurred* If Ghost D.A was a Demolitions Expert, they'd have already replaced him with a bloody robot.
      Eyelander: And what's with that "doodly doodle doot" noise? I'm a ghost sword! Have I ever made a f***g noise when I disappear? I swear, sometimes I think this show isn't even written by ghosts.
      * Knocking sounds*
      Demoman: *Slurred* I'd like to see a bloody robot defend a bloody cap point for-
      Eyelander: It's been six months, man. Let it go.
      * Knocking sounds intensify*
      Eyelander: Do you still hear a gavel banging?

      • If you look behind Miss Pauling into the yard, you can see the statue still lacks a head from the War! update.
    • The CEO of Frontier Engineering is The Pyro.
    • "HELLO, FAT DEMOMAN!" And then Demo's rather wry remark about the "beer-all-at-once club".
  • Even in death, the Redmond and Blutarch rivalry continues. Only now, for the first time in over a century, they're in close enough proximity to engage each other in a slapping match while arguing over who died first.
  • The Overly Long Gag involving pants on the Scream Fortress 2013 update page:

    Push a corpse-filled cart through a magic-blasted, skeleton-infested terrorscape to reach the infernal maw of a gaping Hellmouth in this Halloween-themed Payload Race of utter pants-filling terror! Just to be clear: You will poop your pants. Also, the police just called: They wanted us to tell you that the smell you phoned them about is coming from inside your pants! GET OUT OF THE PANTS! But it was too late. The End. Of that scary Halloween classic!

  • "Unhappy Returns":
    • The "lawbooks" Scout is studying. The young readers edition of "Ghost. D.A.: The Collected Television Scripts".
    • The mayor's poster, complete with hilariously inappropriate stickers and a pic of Spy shanking an inmate with a sharpened toothbrush. Combined.
    • These lines from Spy, especially how calm he is when saying them:

      Spy: Mike... I'm going to kill you and anyone else who participates in this preposterous show trial.
      Scout: Me too!
      Spy: Yes, I may kill Scout in the confusion as well.

    • Demoman hiding behind a building, peeking out and expecting to see something when he's peeking out of the same side he's blind in.

      Demoman: Bloody hell...
      Soldier: Dear God, what do you see?
      Demoman: Not a damn thing. Let's switch places.

    • Scout recounting "A Smissmas Story", which sounds like utter nonsense out of context. Especially the last line.

      Scout: But then we killed Santa Claus and they let us go.

    • The Scout mentions that he once had a lamp for a lawyer. A few pages later, the Soldier bursts in and demands to serve as Scout's lawyer.

      Soldier: (strangling Scout) Tell them I am your lawyer! Say it, maggot!
      Scout: I... want... the... lamp...

    • Spy realizes where Teufort's priorities lie:

      Spy: So...we weren't on trial for all the property damage and murders we've actually committed.

    • After the trial is dismissed, everyone goes to the library:

      Guiseppe/Trevor: I'm going to learn about Italy!
      Mayor Mike: I'm going to learn about mayoring!
      Old Woman: I'm going to learn what a pedophile is!

      • Even better, since Makani works off a loose script, she didn't know that last line was going to be in there.
    • Miss Pauling reveals that the whole town is a bunch of idiots due to Sawmill's water being poisoned with lead...

      Miss Pauling: That's why we've been giving you guys bottled water.
      Soldier: [tilts head] Bottled what now?

    • Spy, in an act of sympathy, helps Scout get to his bank vault in Teufort, only to learn that Scout put all his money in Tom Jones memorabilia, planning to sell it for big money when he dies. You can just hear the shift in Spy's tone when he learns this.

      Spy: I admit it... I'm impressed, Scout. At least you've been saving your money. Let's grab the largest denominations. We can launder it at where is the money?
      Scout: You're lookin' at it! I invested every last dime on twelve cubic yards of Tom Jones memorabilia! This stuff is gonna be worth a fortune when he dies!
      Spy: He's not going to die, you imbecile! He's in his twenties! He's the most virile man on the planet! He has no enemies! The man is virtually immortal!
      Scout: I'm playin' the long game, Spy. It's a get-rich-slow scheme.

      • ...of course, Scout might've made a good call, with Spy being proven wrong nearly 6 months later (chronologically).
    • And of course, Soldier showing that he's great with old ladies.

      Soldier: OLD WOMAN! YOU WILL TELL ME WHERE THE COURTHOUSE IS OR I WILL BREAK MY FOOT OFF IN YOUR WITHERED OLD-
      Demoman: Bloody hell! *Stops Soldier* Hello, Ma'am.

  • "A Cold Day in Hell":
    • Okay, let's just get this out of the way: NAKED. HONEY COVERED. SOLDIER. Scout's face just screams that he regrets witnessing this. And what's worse/better? This has happened enough to get its own comic series... of which there are thirty seven issues. One was when Scout was on a double date.
    • And when Soldier was hallucinating the wildlife, his hands, and the Scout as food. Even funnier in the fact that the Scout is wearing a hot dog costume, which was found in the plane of Amelia Earhart.
      • And just when it seems that Soldier was accusing Pyro of being a menstruating woman (because, according to Soldier, they and honey attract bears), he orders them to step aside, revealing that Amelia's plane is stocked with honey.

        Soldier: There are only two things that attract bears: honey...and menstruating women! My God, I knew it! Somehow, I always knew! PYRO! Stop blocking the door! Good Lord, the plane is filled with honey! Amelia Earhart's famous sweet tooth has doomed us all!

    • When the bear seems to have knocked off Scout's skull, it just turns out that Amelia's bones were inside it.
    • Pyro meets Smokey Bear in Pyroland, and what follows shows that Pyro might be more aware of their actions than we thought.
    • Scout succumbs to his injuries and passes out. Pyro's reaction? Throw snow at his head.
    • The Scout has a nightmare that the Spy is his Dad.
    • Who are the mercenaries that Grey Mann hired to take down the Administrator? The Team Fortress Classic team! And who joins them? The Team Fortress 2 Medic, replacing the TFC Medic! And he's also implanted baboon uteri in some of the team.

      Medic: Oh, come now. It's perfectly safe. I put three in Greg. You don't hear him complaining.
      Greg: You said you were filling a cavity!
      Medic: I was! The one I made in your abdomen.

    • From the opening scene, Soldier's batshit insane paranoia of wearing a 'Soviet coat' and how he doesn't want the little old Siberian lady reverse engineering American coat technology. On a coat that isn't even American... Specifically, the coat is a Mann Co coat, falls apart at the drop of a hat, is made in China (which was also communist during the 1960s and 70s), and Mann Co is an Australian company.
      • Even more hilarious? She offered him the coats so he won't die. He refuses to take them anyway.
      • Said coat she offered had Sears on it. He refused to wear it because he read the first letter and assumed that the rest of the word was either "Stalin" or "Soviet."
    • "Son, I offered your friend soup and he's been screaming for five minutes..."
      • When Soldier finally gives in and eats the soup, the ghosts of Benedict Arnold and the big hot dog high-five each other while George Washington looks on in disdain.
    • "Soldier, put pants on." The way Heavy casually says it makes it funnier.
    • Heavy's sisters come home, ready to fangirl over their brother's colleagues... and then they find themselves less than impressed to see Scout, Soldier (wearing a dress) and Pyro (busily setting things on fire).
      • For bonus points? The mercs they're fantasizing about are Sniper and Spy — not only the classes most often given the Draco in Leather Pants treatment in fanfics, but also one of the most prominent Slash Fic couples. Is this Valve's way of giving a Fandom Nod to the Yaoi Fangirl demographic of their fanbase?
      • Likewise, there's the scene where Heavy's sister Zhanna is "tending" to Scout, and bluntly tells him "Today, we make sex" when he wakes up. Only for Scout to see a hallucination of Ms. Pauling, asking Scout if he forgot about her. When Scout points out Ms. Pauling wasn't even dating him, despite knowing each other for six years, Hallucination!Pauling says this:
    • The very first words out of Saxton Hale's mouth:

      Saxton Hale: Charles @#$%ing Darling , Mags? You're working for Charles @#$%ing Darling?

    • Olivia Mann using one of the Teufort Library's stepladders to reach the same height as Gray Mann. note Notice the old lady looking disapprovingly in the "P" section of the dictionary.

      Mayor Mike: Hello! Can I help you?
      Gray Mann: Oh, I doubt it, but here goes... I'm looking for census records dating back to 1850. In the room marked, "Census Records," there's just a vat of what I hope to God is fudge.

    • Also, apparently Teufort was originally founded and named 'Hugginsville' by a man who survived a bear mauling by hiding under the corpse of the bear's victim, his wife. He was forced to change the name to 'Two Farts' by teenage bullies, and was too scared to change it all the way back.
    • This exchange.

      Zhanna: Make love to me.
      Beat
      Soldier: Okay.

      • And afterwards, Soldier is wearing Zhanna's dress.
    • We present: Christopher, the Communist Mountain.
    • When the Heavy decides to reunite with the Mercenaries, Soldier comes in with possibly the funniest line he has ever spoken:

      Soldier: Hooray! I am back from the bathroom and everyone is happy!

    • Charles Darling reveals his reason to why he appears to have animal heads mounted on walls:

      Charles Darling: And anyway, these animals aren't dead. They're just sad.
      Giraffe: Mrr...
      Charles Darling: I make them stand on boxes, you see. So I can look into their hilarious defeated eyes any time I like.

  • Saxton Hale still hates Darling.

    Saxton Hale: Darling, I'm only going to say this once. I will never work for you. Okay, now I won't ever say that again. Now tell me what I need to do to get my company back.

  • "Catch-Up Comic":
    • Classic Soldier's Weapon of Choice was apparently the civilian's umbrella.
    • Saxton Hale keeps track of the timeline:

      1890
      STILL 1890
      NOW IT'S 1930
      NOW IT'S NOW

      • He also breaks the fourth wall to comment on Gray Mann's "barely credible backstory".
    • Also, how he starts the recap: "Our story starts in New Mexico. It's a desert, and it looks like this. Only a moron would live here. Here's some morons who decide to live here. A rich old man from England and his twin idiot sons."
  • Blood in the Water
    • Pretty much all of Soldier and Zhanna's interactions are hilarious and heartwarming.
      • Zhanna's acceptance of Soldier's engagement string of severed ears.
      • Soldier's reaction when Zhanna romantically helps him snap an Australian's neck. Just look at his huge goofy smile!
      • Soldier and Zhanna discuss what the phrase "extreme prejudice" means in the context of a combat situation.

        Soldier: WHAT? ZHANNA! QUICKLY! BE RACIST!
        Zhanna: You ███ █████ ████████ ███ ████████ ███ █████ the ██████ ██████ ██ ████ ████.

      • It's even funnier in one of the fandubs, which plays La Marseillaise in censor bleeps.
    • NECK FIX
      • Made even funnier by a fan on Tumblr:
    • The revelation that Sniper is not Australian. He's from New Zealand.
    • Bill-bel, Sniper's biological father, is the dumbest super-genius scientist possible. Case in point? He used the last Cache of Australium to paint his prototype spaceships... which exploded.
      • Ms. Pauling's reaction is to take a hearty swig of wine.
    • Pretty much all interaction between Scout and Maggie. His lack of muscles makes her mistake him for a little boy at first, and she and Saxton spend the rest of the scene being unintentionally condescending, much to Scout's annoyance.
    • Miss Pauling and Sniper discuss how to make the shallowest grave possible.

      Miss Pauling: Speeds up the decomp rate. Trust me, ten minutes with a saw will save you thirty with a shovel.

    • Ms. Pauling has doubts about Zhanna as a member of the team.

      Zhanna: You want to know more about Zhanna? Here is story about Zhanna. Once upon a time I do not like you. The end.
      Ms. Pauling: You said she couldn't understand a word we were saying!
      Soldier: Yes. I meant that I couldn't understand a word you were saying.

  • The Contract, the comic released with the Gun Mettle update:
    • Saxton Hale just can't (or won't) get Ms. Pauling's name right.
    • Ms. Pauling explains that she's running out of incentives to make the mercs do any jobs. After Saxton says the guns she's giving to the mercs are "incredibly rare heirlooms", Ms. Pauling points out that her chair is built out of Force-A-Natures.

      Saxton Hale: Ah, right. No, those ARE garbage.

    • Saxton brings Ms. Pauling to his vault and downright admits he sells his personal cache of weapons at obscene prices.
    • Ms. Pauling wants something in her price range. Saxton's suggestion? Two Force-A-Natures welded together by the barrels.
    • Then she makes off with the entire stash, leaving behind a bunch of "IOU" notes, each to the amount of a hundred million dollars.
  • Old Wounds
    • A meta example. We finally have confirmation: the Pyro is a woman named Beatrice! No, not the TF2 Pyro, whose effeminate tendencies have sparked endless debates regarding their gender and/or sexuality. She's the TFC Pyro. As in, the TFC "exact same deep gruff distinctly-masculine voice as all the other Classic classes so nobody ever wondered if they were actually a woman" Pyro. Makes you wonder if Beatrice has been smoking as much as Dr. Girlfriend. The burn scars are also a common unmasked Pyro headcanon, for extra trolling points.
    • This exchange:
    • Zhanna calling Soldier her "little maggot-bear" and accidentally spraying him with blood from her wrist-stump.
    • Sniper's mom, a sweet little old lady, cheerfully telling her son he needs to go back to Earth to kill "rotten [bleep]".
    • Demoman breaking up with his liver, and Pyro trying to console him. And then he starts talking to his heart to take over his liver's functions and for his lungs to block his rectum.
      • Made even better by the fact that his organs also have eyepatches.
      • Followed by Ms. Pauling wondering what's going on and Spy suggesting that Demo's body spent so subsisting on alcohol that it perceives him eating solid food and water as a poison.
    • Soldier shedding all of his clothing just to sit on the toilet, and Zhanna preparing to join him. Even better, no one bats an eye at this.
    • "Modern Heavy" walking in on Spy attempting to spit a cyanide capsule into Pauling's mouth, which ends up looking unintentionally awkward and/or pornographic.
    • Spy's look of irritation when realizing that he's been duped by another Spy. It's even funnier if you've ever been duped by an enemy Spy disguised as you. Not even canon Spy is immune!
    • When warned by the dying Gray Mann that the Administrator is up to something nefarious with her Australium, Ms. Pauling responds with a speech of Undying Loyalty, proclaiming that she'll never turn from her when she's gone this far... only for Spy to point out to her that Gray already died halfway through her speech.
    • This exchange between Sniper and Medic, which goes from sad/dramatic to hilarious in a millisecond:

      Sniper: [hands firmly gripping Medic's throat] "You were smilin. The last thing I saw 'fore I bled out and died was your smug, evil grin!"
      Medic:      ' "I was happy to see you! That's just how I look when I smile! Smug and evil!" [grins] "See ◊?"

    • Classic Spy's gobsmacked expression when Zhanna punches him in the face with her arm-stump... to absolutely no effect. Soldier then punches him, with considerably more success.
  • Gargoyles and Gravel
    • Don't mess with the Medic in an alleyway, or he'll take your head and put it in a pumpkin.
      • And then the Russian Mafia will hire him to hold a wizard at gunpoint.
    • As the title would suggest, Miss Pauling is running a roleplaying game with Heavy, Soldier, and Scout. Badly.

      Miss Pauling: In the center of the room is an amulet on a pedestal... SOLDIER... that looks VERY VERY DEADLY... SOLDIER... so you PROBABLY DON'T WANT TO-
      Soldier: I pick up the amulet!
      Scout: Aw, come on, dumdum! This is the third time we hadta restart this stupid... (Miss Pauling looks concerned)... LOVELY game of Miss Pauling's. Everytime ya pick up the amulet it kills all of us!
      Soldier: I will not be cowed by jewelery! That amulet belongs around my neck! Miss Pauling, I pick up the amulet .
      Miss Pauling: (Rolls some dice. Without looking:) The amulet kills all of you.
      Scout: (Losing his patience with Soldier) STOP PICKIN' UP THAT FREAKIN' AMULET!
      Soldier: We may be pretending we're in Fairyland, but we are playing in AMERICA! You can stop me being killed by that amulet when you pry it out of my cold, dead hands!

    • Then Merasmus shows up... or rather-

      Merasmus: Fools! It is I! Meras- ...Murray... with... your pizza.
      Soldier: Oh good, Merasmurray's here.

    • Miss Pauling learning about the Team's history with Merasmus:

      Miss Pauling: (Off the Soldier's explanation) He gives you [spooky] surprises? Aw, that's nice of—
      Heavy: (Interrupting) Every Halloween, he comes here and he tries to kill us.
      Miss Pauling: (Double-take) So why do you let him in?
      Soldier: He's a wizard, Miss Pauling.
      Scout: Yeah. He knows magic and crap.

    • "Merasmurray" trying to get Soldier to look outside.

      Soldier: If you're really the pizza man, prove it! Slide it under the door!
      Merasmurray: Fool! It is a party-sized deep dish! It would never fit!
      Soldier: I'm going to need a proof-slice. Slide it through the mail slot.
      Merasmurray: Aha! But how do I know you ordered the food? Put your face to the mail slot first!
      Spy: Don't put your face up to the mail slot.
      Soldier: I am going to put up my face to the mail slot. Here I go. Oorah.
      Actually Merasmus: Fools! It is I! Merasmus! And tonight you will- Soldier closes the mail slot

    • Soldier finding out it was Merasmus and not "Merasmurray":

      Soldier: Everyone brace yourselves! It was Merasmus! There is no, repeat, NO PIZZA! We are going to starve! Unless we all agree to eat Sco- note Scout

    • And then Spy tries to figure out what he's here for:
    • We also have Miss Pauling wearing a Ghastlierest Gibus throughout the comic. Cue the F2P jokes.
      • Furthermore, the fact that Miss Pauling happens to be a Dungeons and Dragons fan!
    • For a hidden dirty joke, Soldier strangles Scout, who is dressed up like a chicken.
    • The team ultimately accepts Merasmus' challenge. Rather than be elated, Merasmus is relieved:

      Heavy: WIZARD! We accept your challenge.
      (A tied-up Merasmus is sitting in the Russian Mafia's car trunk. The goons stop forcing him inside, and Merasmus looks over to Team Fortress.)
      Merasmus: Oh, thank god...

  • The Naked and the Dead
    • As the title implies, gratuitous nudity abound.
    • How did the team survive the blood-sucking robots? Demoman's blood gave the robots alcohol poisoning. Even more ridiculous is that he hadn't drunk anything, he somehow reconfigured his body to produce its own alcohol, complete with him talking to his own organs again. Oh, and his liver comes back, and Demoman makes out with it.
      • Even more hilariously, the body producing its own alcohol actually can happen. It's called Auto-Brewery Syndrome. Look it up, I'll wait.
    • Miss Pauling is incredulous that transfusion is as simple as The Medic describes, to which The Medic laughs about how expensive medical school is.
      • It should be noted that while he is saying this, he is dumping blood into Soldier, who is both very cheerful and holding his insides open so the blood from the bucket can get inside. Medic also follows this up by saying he's been using his underwear as a medical sponge.
    • The undiluted look of horror on Miss Pauling's face as the Medic informs her that mixing bloodtypes is the least of her worries is priceless. Especially since just one page before we saw that the Medic's blood bucket had, among other things, dirt clumps and used bandages mixed in the blood.
    • Scout hugs Miss Pauling, and blood comes gushing out of her eyes. What really sells it is her expression afterwards.
    • Tom Jones is used SEVERAL times in different running gags, and in most of his appearances he uses "Sex Bomb" as a metaphor.
    • Heavy's horrified expression and despairing look when he figures out that Soldier and Zhanna are engaged. Doubly funny as he reacts without even a blink at seeing her missing a hand, even telling her "Good" for escaping handcuffs because of it.

      Heavy: (Holding Zhanna's necklace in one hand) Where do you get this necklace of...human ears... sister. NO.
      Soldier: HELLO, BROTHER-IN-LAW! Good news! You're going to be a grandfather!
      (Heavy glares at Soldier with a giant frown on his face)

      • Special note to Zhanna's exact words of "He is going to impregnate me, brother!" while jumping joyfully.
    • The classic Scout and Demoman share a quiet moment where they decide to "follow the dream" instead of following their team's doomed crusade, and vow to convert their old safehouse into an orphanage... so that they'll have "an endless supply of free kids", presumably to set up an organ farm with or just kill for fun. It might be one of the darkest subversions of Heel–Face Door-Slam in history, as the Pyro reveals itself and immolates the pair of them immediately afterward.
    • Zhanna and Soldier fight nude and covered in honey, and talk about how freeing it is.
    • Soldier (almost) gives up when he figures they are surrounded on both sides, not just one.
    • Demo is enraged when he finds out that Medic could've restored his eye anytime he wanted... but then Medic reveals that he has restored that eye at least eight times, but every Halloween it pops out, grows bat wings, and attacks the Mercs.

      Medic: We've fought a giant your eye, a Dracula your eye, a brain-in-a-jar your eye, a knife-wielding ventriloquist dummy your eye. One year it traveled back in time and tried to become our parents. The point is: In my medical opinion... and as a man of science I do not say this lightly... That eye socket is haunted.
      Demoman: Wait, why don't I remember any o' this?
      Medic: Oh, that. I scooped that part of your brain out so you'd stop asking me.
      [Beat]
      Demoman: Aye, fair enough.

    • Spy wears a $10000 custom-tailored Louis Crabbemarché jacket.
    • Scout has a Sex Bomb tattoo. Spelled incorrectly as "Sex Bom".
    • For the afterlife that Scout goes to, the very first thing that he is greeted with in Heaven?

      God: BOOM! You're in Heaven, dummy!

      • Apparently, true Heaven for Scout is not one, but THREE foosball tables. This man has some incredibly low standards.
      • This is followed by the revelation that God is (or at least is acting like) a total fanboy of him, whom not only requests to see him flex, but also threatens to destroy the Earth because women didn't sleep with Scout whom he called, "His gift to women". It must be seen to be believed.
      • The flex is especially funny. Normally, it would result in one of the most wimpiest flexes known to man, but in Heaven, Scout's flex is so great God himself is unable to gaze upon its glory.
      • God has to follow with Spy's lie about Tom Jones being his dad. And just as Tom himself walks in, he gets his neck snapped again, by a cherub, so the lie can stand.

      Tom Jones: What's new, pussycats? Man, I just dropped a Sex Bomb on that steam room!
      (He gets his neck snapped)
      Scout: What was that crackin' noise?
      God: (speaking very quickly) We're making popcorn you need to go-

      • God saying after Scout, "See you December 4th, 1987!". And Scout taking this in stride.
      • Just the fact that Scout's name was revealed to be "Jeremy", and that his Date of Death is December 4th, 1987... Hmmm... Now Where have we heard '''that''' before?
      • And then there's Spy's look of exasperation and horror when he realizes that, against all odds, SCOUT HAS SOMEHOW COME BACK TO LIFE.

        Sniper: (happily) Well, I'll be...
        Spy: You have got to be @#$ing kidding me.

    • And then there's how Classic Heavy is defeated: Medic makes a bluff involving making the Classic Heavy give birth to three baboons using Satan's pen, which distracts him long enough for Modern Heavy to nullify his One-Winged Angel state... and then he pulls out the real labor-inducing device and activates it just as an insult to the dying Classic Heavy. The Modern Heavy's stunned reaction to the Medic doing this is also worth a laugh. And to top it off, during the Title Drop, Medic is holding the baby baboon.

      Medic: Three baboons! How preposterous. The human body can gestate one, maybe two baboons at most.

    • Soldier and Zhanna are naked. Zhanna accuses Ms. Pauling of eyeing up Soldier, Zhanna is disgusted, Soldier claims "I have fought naked but I have never felt naked until now", and right when Ms. Pauling demands they act like professionals:

      (Sniper walks in on the carnage, completely naked from his revival)
      Soldier: HELLO, NAKED SNIPER!
      Sniper: (nonchalantly) Hey.

    • While the speech itself is badass, Pauling's intro to it is certainly a nice summary of the events leading up to it.

      Miss Pauling: You wanna know how we beat you? I honestly have no #&%@# clue.

  • The Showdown.
    • The entire premise of the comic is Heavy infiltrating The Administrator's hideout just to ask for more guns. And Pyro had the same idea.
    • When he reaches the interior of the hideout, with only a sealed door and a retracted bridge in his way, Heavy just... Sits down, eats a sandvich and waits for someone to come out. Miss Pauling does, looking at some files. Her reaction to realizing he's there and passing right by her is priceless. Nevermind he addresses her so politely despite trespassing.
    • When Heavy comes for the Administrator, she sets up a self-destruct sequence, asking him to make her death quick, just saying "do it quickly". Heavy just makes his request for guns as quickly as he can. The Administrator's reaction to this as she turns off the self-destruct is one of sheer blank confusion.
    • Pyro beat Heavy to her by three minutes, apparently using an air vent.
    • When the Heavy calls the Administrator "Old Woman", she dryly says "I have a name." When he apologizes and asks what her name is, she replies, "it's classified. Still, a 'ma'am' wouldn't kill you."
    • Heavy tries to bribe Pryo with a lighter. Pyro is clearly not satisfied with it, as he crushes it in his hand. Cue the Administrator laughing at what she just saw.

      Administrator: I'm sorry. It was just the idea of you two killing each other. Ohhhh, that is perfect. I wish you idiots hadn't crushed my lighter. Because now I need a cigarette.

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Source: https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Funny/TeamFortress2ComicsAndSupplementals

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